this week i

envy the audience member that yelled how the hell are ya, jerry? before rosa lee mcfall.  rosemarie: "angel hair eats up too much gravy"


name that animal, you get one guess

desenhou um helicoptero antes da decolagem

lay on floor after run, stare at couch cushion, drapes, turned off television, mostly feelings, daydreamy thoughts, what % of biomass underwater?

illustrated partition's folly

indus river cease to be
empire synecdoche
thanks to radcliffe's jesting hand
now it flows through pakistan

portrayed here as rembrandt's faust
cyril would not harm a mouse
yet one sweep of hammy fist:
hist'ry's worst exodusist


read charlie and the chocolate factory by roald dahl.  no slugworth bribe, veruca offed by squirrels not geese, like me she'd desire a bonsai baobab


in england, the famous scientist, professor foulbody, invented a machine which would tell you at once, without opening the wrapper of a candy bar, whether or not there was a golden ticket hidden underneath it.  the machine had a mechanical arm that shot out with tremendous force and grabbed hold of anything that had the slightest bit of gold inside it, and for a moment, it looked like the answer to everything.  but unfortunately, while the professor was showing off the machine to the public at the candy counter of a large department store, the mechanical arm shot out and made a grab for the gold filling in the back tooth of a duchess who was standing nearby.  there was an ugly scene, and the machine was smashed by the crowd

before i started chewing for the world record, i used to change my piece of gum once a day.  i used to do it in our elevator on the way home from school.  why the elevator?  because i liked sticking the gooey piece that i'd just finished with on to one of the elevator buttons

his trousers were bottle green

your grandfather?  delighted to meet you, sir!  overjoyed!  enraptured!  enchanted!  all right!  excellent!  is everybody in now?  five children?  yes!  good!  now will you please follow me!  our tour is about to begin

no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall

nothing but thick jungles infested by the most dangerous beasts in the entire world - hornswogglers and snozzwangers and those terrible wicked whangdoodles


burp, you silly ass, burp, or you'll never come down again

"glorious stuff!"  said mr. wonka.  "the oompa-loompas all adore it.  it makes them tiddly.  listen!  you can hear them in there now, whooping it up"

what's it like down there, angina?

the only two vitamins it doesn't have in it are vitamin s, because it makes you sick, and vitamin h, because it makes you grow horns

p.s. regarding mike teavee,
we very much regret that we
shall simply have to wait and see
if we can get him back his height
but if we can't - it serves him right